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Why Many People Change after Marriage

Why Many People Change after Marriage

Change is constant in life. Some are inevitable while some are avoidable. There is, however, a form of change that’s toxic to marriages, especially what triggers them, and this shall be the main target of this post.

Do you know the sole exciting a part of most marriages is that the honeymoon or courtship period?

It’s the time when partners put up their best selves, while their true character isn’t revealed. It’s the time when romance overshadows reality. But why is that this so?

In marriage, some changes can be positive or negative. Some would manifest during courtship while many would later be unfolded in marriage.

Marriages don’t fail due to positive change; negative tendencies or red flags that were tolerated or ignored caused it.

Moreover, no couple who kicked off the journey of marriage does so with the mindset to divorce. What clothed to be “irreconcilable difference” that ruined most marriages were the unexpected changes that manifested within the lifetime of the husband or wife which couldn’t be tolerated.

Are you married or you’re presently courting?

If you’re not, you wish to find out some recommendations on what to try to to to avoid negative changes that would affect your marriage.

And for those in courtship, avoid these items sort of a plague.

1. Pretense

Many pretend to be what they’re not, and sort of a chameleon, played along to urge along throughout the courtship period.

Do not make your courtship sort of a movie where you have got actors and actresses playing out a script.

Be real.

Be yourself.

I know this may well be difficult to attain, but it’s better to be yourself than to pretend to be what you’re not.

The earlier the important you is discovered, the higher your partner decides whether to remain or quit.
There’s a limit to how far you’d pretend in your relationship that your true self won’t manifest in a while. You can’t hide it for too long.

Yorubas, in their proverbs, would say when lies travel for twenty years, one day, the reality would catch up with it.

If you’ll tolerate what you recognize about him or her, fine; but if you can’t, move on.

Don’t pretend as if all is well when all isn’t well.

2. Negative Tolerance

During courtship, many people try and accommodate some negative tendencies in our would-be spouses with the hope they might change because we don’t want to harm them.

Issues like being hot-tempered, easily provoked, physical abuse, drinking to stupor, cheating, manipulation, insecurity, and also the likes that were earlier discovered were swept under the carpet.

This is called negative tolerance or “foolish” compromise.

Never try to change or tolerate negative habits in your potential spouse when he or she doesn’t see the requirement to alter.

“I will change” isn’t the identical as striving to vary because action speaks louder than voice.

Only God plus a person’s determination can bring the change they have, not you.

And to married couples, these change triggers are cancerous to your marriage.


Negative or positive influence, arising from both internal or external source affects marriages.

There’s the third party influence that comes from friends, spiritual leaders, or relations.

Some influence could seem harmless, but within the future, it might cause you to change how you behave towards your spouse, and would successively affect your marriage.

The negative influence may well be within the variety of suggestions, counsels, opinions, or pieces of recommendation.

In fact, allowing your mind to stray into different thoughts can influence your attitude towards your spouse.

If you’re not grounded within the knowledge of the reality and understanding, you’ll accept any influence, and it’d negatively impact your marriage.

Do not forget that a person (and woman) shall leave his (her) father and mother, and cleave to his wife (husband).

Leaving doesn’t only end in physical separation, but it also entails that you simply reject any negative counsel that would affect your marriage.

2. Familiarity

When husbands and wives get accustomed one another, likelihood is that high that familiarity would penetrate. And this goes on to support the old chestnut that familiarity brings contempt.

Now that you just are married couples, does one still accord to him the respect due? does one still treat her with such tenderness and love with which you probably did after you wooed her during courtship?

As much as familiarity is absolute to occur, never let this cause a negative change in your marriage.

Let every husband love his wife, and let every wife make sure that she respect and go through her husband.

4 Things Men Considers Before They Propose

This should never be a one-off thing that’s done only in courtship, but a lifetime disposition throughout the wedding.

If you’re ever visiting change in marriage, let your change be positive. Don’t switch from bad to worse or from good to bad, be the most effective version of yourself.

Your marriage are better than your courtship once you both strive to be the most effective version of yourselves and you bear this stuff in mind.

Will you?

What other things make people change from good to bad in marriage which wasn’t mentioned? Kindly share your thoughts.




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